A good Dom vs. a bad Dom



Daddy and I discuss this sometimes, because we both have come across different kinds of Doms. We notice traits that will essentially ruin the relationship. And I notice how rare it is to find a good Dom – or a good submissive. While there is probably no such thing as a “true” Dom or sub, these are things I think are traits of a good Dom and red flags indicating a bad one.

A good Dom is loving. He understands that submissiveness is a gift, not his right to take. He has patience. He has some ego but balanced with humbleness to admit to his property that he is not perfect. He makes his sub feel satisfied and protected most of the time. He works hard to build his sub’s trust, so he doesn’t just go out doing whatever he wants just because he can (although he will sometimes punish you just because he can, but a good Dom will let you know if it is for his pleasure, that you didn’t do anything wrong). A good Dom is open to learning everything about his sub. He is interested in being a better Dom, so he will pay attention to training strategies that work or don’t work. A good Dom understands the huge amount of responsibility he has in caring for another human being. He wants to protect her, love her, and more than anything help her grow into a better person she is happy with. He is intelligent and forgiving. 

A bad Dom will make you feel unsure and you might feel unsafe. He is overly arrogant and uses dominance as an excuse to let out aggression. He is sloppy and inconsistent with his training and is more concerned about himself than his sub’s growth. He may pressure you into giving him control over things you aren’t comfortable with, and you probably won’t be comfortable with it because in your gut you feel you don’t trust him. He may lose control over his emotions when he feels loss of control over you. With him, you feel more afraid than loved.

(of course, “he” and “she” are interchangeable)

more articles in the Library For Kinksters.